


A Learning Experience

by musigneus



Series: Dreams and Nightmares (a.k.a. the A Short Measure series) [8]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Teaching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-06
Updated: 2011-04-06
Packaged: 2017-10-17 16:02:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/178531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musigneus/pseuds/musigneus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry learns something, and Severus and Remus go up the Astronomy Tower.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Learning Experience

**Author's Note:**

> Written before HBP and DH. Thanks to maritus, and particular thanks to tarnationawaits for betaing.

Harry stirred his cauldron in slow circles. He was trying to concentrate on the day's lesson, but his eyes kept straying to Snape, who was bending over someone's potion on the other side of the room. Snape had been just as unpleasant as always today, his first day back to teaching since that night at the Burrow. And that day in the Room of Requirement... Harry wondered once again how Remus could stand to touch him. Remus hadn't shown any signs of being under _Imperius_ , or of being drugged; Harry had briefly thought maybe Snape had been blackmailing him, or something, only Remus had looked...happy. With Snape.

Harry stirred a bit too vigorously, and the flames under his cauldron hissed as droplets of his potion splashed into them. Snape. How could anyone look happy about being with _Snape_? Why would Remus want to do _that_ with Snape? Greasy, hateful, sarcastic– it wasn't as if he could actually _care_ about Remus...

Harry belatedly realized everyone else was adding the next ingredient, so he tipped a bottle of myrrh over his cauldron. The contents bubbled vigorously as the liquid poured in. He still had the bottle in hand when Hermione glanced over and hissed, "No, Harry! Don't add _oil_ of myrrh, add powdered myrrh!" She looked back at her own cauldron, and Harry sighed and stared at his potion. Maybe it wouldn't make any difference...

The seething mass in his cauldron suddenly stilled and contracted oddly. _Oh, no._ Harry instinctively flung himself at Hermione, trying to shield her from the impending shower of boiling liquid, but it never fell – a cold voice snapped " _Evanesco!_ " and the ruined potion vanished just before it exploded past the rim.

Harry squeezed his eyes shut for a second, wishing intensely – and not for the first time – that he didn't need Potions for Auror training. He almost wished he hadn't somehow managed to scrape his way into Snape's N.E.W.T. class. Almost.

He turned and looked up at Snape's thin-lipped, furious face.

"Potter. Would you care to explain what caused that...spectacular reaction?" Snape asked in an ominously quiet voice.

Harry swallowed. "I added oil of myrrh, instead of powdered myrrh," he admitted.

"And did you have a _reason_ for substituting a volatile – and extremely expensive – ingredient for the recommended one?"

Harry shook his head, once, meeting the professor's gaze briefly before dropping his eyes. His customary surge of resentment was muted by his memory of Snape, bloodied almost beyond recognition, screaming weakly while Voldemort laughed. It had been easier when he could just hate the man without feeling guilty about it...

Snape's eyes narrowed. "Five points from Gryffindor for endangering your classmates by your inattention, Potter," he said harshly. "And detention tonight at seven."

"Tonight?" Harry blurted. "But..." Snape's raised eyebrow cut off the rest of Harry's thought, _I can't, we're supposed to meet you_. "Right. Sir," he said.

Snape turned his glare on Hermione, who had looked up in surprise when he assigned Harry detention. "You as well, Miss Granger – if you will insist on assuming responsibility for your classmates' performance, you should first be certain your skills are adequate for the task."

Hermione bit her lip and looked down, and Ron blurted, "What? That's not fair, she..." then flushed when Snape glared at him in turn.

"Far be it from me, Mr. Weasley, to disrupt your little coterie. You are, of course, welcome to join your _friends_ in detention," Snape said silkily. "I shall see you at seven as well."

Draco Malfoy snickered, and Snape whirled in his direction. "As for you, Mr. Malfoy – considering that your father attempted to assist the Dark Lord in torturing me to death not so long ago, were I you, I should tread very carefully."

Harry thought the blank look of utter shock on Draco's face was almost worth the five points.

~*~

Ron complained about the detention all afternoon. He was still complaining when he, Harry, and Hermione approached the Room of Requirement a few minutes before seven.

" _Honestly_ , Ron! It isn't like it's a _real_ detention," Hermione said in exasperation as they entered the oddly dark room.

Harry glanced around uneasily, wondering why the room had chosen this rather gloomy arrangement. Maybe it was responding to his unwillingness to be here, preparing to spend an evening with Snape?

"Well, why couldn't the greasy git just remind us we were supposed to be here tonight? He didn't have to give us detention," Ron said stubbornly.

An unexpected voice issuing from the shadows by the door made all three of them jump. "Because _I_ recognize the strategic advantage inherent in having your...potential future opponents remain unaware of the nature of our interaction, Mr. Weasley," Snape said as he stepped out from between two large pieces of furniture.

Ron paled. "Oh. Erm..." he muttered. Harry and Hermione studied the floor while Ron shifted under the weight of Snape's unblinking stare.

Snape's lip curled. "Close the door, Weasley" he ordered. "I have no desire to waste any more time than necessary on this farce, so we will begin immediately." His wand appeared suddenly in his hand. "You will attempt to disarm me, in whatever manner you choose."

Harry, Hermione, and Ron looked at each other uncertainly and slowly reached for their wands.

"Well?" Snape demanded impatiently.

"Do you mean all three of us at once, sir?" Hermione asked.

"Of course I do," Snape said. "Or you going to tell me, Miss Granger, that the three of you have some compunction about attacking a teacher?" He sneered, "History would seem to indicate otherwise."

Hermione flushed, and Harry fumed at the reminder of the night in the Shrieking Shack when Snape had tried to get Sirius Kissed. Hexing Snape suddenly sounded like an excellent idea, and he and Ron raised their wands. Hermione followed suit a second later, but before any of them could act, a sudden bang sounded from behind them. Thin ropes whipped around Harry's mouth, wrists, and ankles, jerking him off his feet, and his wand clattered across the floor.

Hermione and Ron whirled. "Professor Lupin?" Ron said in surprise, just before ropes shot from Snape's wand to bind Hermione and more ropes from Remus's wand felled Ron.

Harry struggled against his bonds, trying to reach his fallen wand, as Snape paced forward to stand over Hermione. Without taking his eyes off her, he removed the ropes from Harry's mouth with a gesture.

Harry blurted, "Remus? What–"

Snape interrupted ruthlessly. "So tell me, Mr. Potter, what my next action would be were I other than a _practice_ Death Eater."

"Snape, what are you doing? Let us loose!" Harry shouted, still struggling against the ropes. "Remus? You–"

"I am not overly endowed with patience, Mr. Potter, and your time is running out," Snape said menacingly.

Harry stared at him in disbelief. Surely Snape wouldn't actually do anything to hurt them, would he? Only, the way he was looking at Hermione suggested the next word out of his mouth would be _"Crucio"_...

"I am still waiting for your answer, Mr. Potter." Snape raised his wand a tiny, threatening degree. Hermione's eyes went wide.

Harry thrashed and yelled desperately, "Snape!", trying to distract him from whatever he was planning to do to her. "No, don't!" Harry screamed as Snape gestured again.

Snape turned to him and raised a mocking eyebrow as the ropes around Hermione dropped away. All three students went momentarily limp with relief. Hermione stood, a little shakily, while Remus freed Ron. As soon as Snape dispelled the ropes around Harry, he rolled to snatch up his wand, then scrambled to his feet. He stood on one side of Hermione, Ron on the other, and all three of them glared accusingly at Snape and Remus.

Remus smiled apologetically and looked at Snape.

"What was that, Snape?" Harry demanded, clutching his wand firmly. Whatever Snape was up to, Harry didn't plan to let him tie them up again, not if he could help it.

"Professor Snape to you, Potter," Snape said. "And _that_ was your first lesson. Hesitation will get you killed – or worse. You should have reacted the instant Lupin attacked."

Hermione and Ron each began some variation of, "But it was Professor Lupin–"

"Silence! That is precisely why I requested his assistance to make the point," Snape hissed. "Because you trust him. And even if Lupin would never harm any of you of his own will, Hogwarts is not secure, as you should well know. How many Death Eaters do you think have access to the school by virtue of being parents of your classmates?"

Harry's lips moved around the words _Lucius Malfoy_.

Snape smiled grimly. "Don't imagine that he is the only one, Potter. Nor should you trust all your classmates." His gaze raked over all three students before coming to rest on Harry. "Polyjuice is simple to brew, and I am not the only one who knows about your relationship with Lupin and would be willing to use it."

"What are we supposed to do, then? Not trust anybody?" Ron asked. He flushed when Snape looked at him.

"A reasonable question, Mr. Weasley," Snape said, the feigned surprise in his tone making Ron's flush darken and Harry and Hermione bristle. "And a reasonable solution, as well." After a brief pause, he continued, "Much as I loathe agreeing with Alastor Moody on anything, his disgusting aphorism has a certain element of truth to it."

Ron and Harry looked blank.

Remus sighed. "Constant vigilance," he supplied.

"Right," Harry said. "Still – Remus – for someone like Lucius Malfoy to pretend to be Remus, they'd have to have some of his hair or something for the Polyjuice. It's just not likely." As soon as the words were out of his mouth Harry felt foolish – after all, it hadn't been likely Barty Crouch could pretend to be Moody for an entire year...

True to form, Snape didn't let that pass. "Surely I don't need to remind you about Crouch, Potter? Although I am pleasantly surprised you retained _some_ scrap of knowledge from my class," he said. "Or was it from your extracurricular activities? I haven't forgotten the boomslang skin..."

"Severus!" Remus said sharply.

Snape's lips tightened, but he waited while Remus spoke. "Harry. It is not...completely impossible that Malfoy could have some of my hair." Remus's voice was strained. "But that is beside the point anyway. I don't believe Professor Snape meant you should be wary of me specifically–" he tilted his head at Snape, who shook his head. "Rather, he wants you to be alert, and ready to react immediately even when an attack comes from an unexpected source."

"But we wouldn't want to hurt you!" Hermione said. "I mean, if it was really you." At Harry's and Ron's nods of agreement, she added, "Or anyone, if it was a misunderstanding, or if they were under someone else's influence, say."

"There is a vast assortment of non-damaging but incapacitating spells with which you could have chosen to respond," Severus said sharply. "And if you protest that you were...tied up at the time, Potter, I submit that it is most unwise to present your back to a darkened room, especially one in which you have already discovered one opponent lurking."

Harry glared at him, but Hermione asked tentatively, "Professor Snape? Could you show us the spell you and Professor Lupin used?"

"Yes, Miss Granger. It is an excellent choice for incapacitating an opponent – quicker to cast than a _Petrificus_ , and harder to dodge than a stunning spell..."

~*~

With Remus's help, Severus drilled the students relentlessly for the better part of an hour. They were irritatingly more likely to listen to Remus than to him, but at least they appeared to be learning _something_. Fortunately for them all, Potter showed far more aptitude for wand work than he ever had for potions.

Severus knew Lupin still didn't approve of the way he had begun the lesson, but he had preferred to insure that he had the students' full attention. Plus, he didn’t think it hurt the brats to be reminded they were no match for a pair of fully trained, _competent_ opponents – they couldn't count on luck and their opponents' overconfidence to save them every time.

He was dueling with Hermione and Ron while Remus and Harry rested for a few minutes when a familiar, burning pain suddenly shot through his arm. At the same instant, Harry hissed and raised his hand to press against his scar. Hermione and Ron glanced worriedly at their friend, and Severus's eyes narrowed. He clutched his arm tightly to his side and bent over it, watching them through the screen of his hair. As he had expected, they lowered their wands completely, and Hermione actually took a concerned step toward him.

 _Idiots..._

Severus's wand whipped in their direction, and Hermione and Ron cried out as his vicious Stinging Hex caught them unprepared.

"Ow! What did you do that for?" Ron said angrily, shaking his hand.

"I told you earlier, Weasley – hesitation will get you killed! _Chivalry_ has no place in a fight. Never fail to take advantage of your opponent's distraction, no matter what caused it," Severus said harshly. "You should have pressed your advantage while you could." He fought the call to the Dark Lord's side, trying to keep from grimacing as the pain intensified. He realized he was clutching his arm in truth now, and forced himself to release it and straighten.

"Professor Snape?" Hermione asked. "Should we... Are you in danger? From the Mark? I mean, can Voldemort affect you specifically, or just all the Death–" She hesitated before continuing in a rush of words, "I mean, everyone who has a Mark, at once? I know it's similar to the Protean charm, but I couldn't find anything more about it in the library..."

"I would have been extremely surprised if you could, Miss Granger," he said dryly, exerting himself so as not to stagger with relief when the flaring agony in his arm suddenly subsided. "And no, I am in no danger of anything other than occasional...discomfort." He ignored Potter's snort. "At the time the Dark Lord created the Mark, he didn't imagine any of us would ever disagree with him enough to turn against him, or to survive the experience if we did. A rare oversight I am certain he now regrets."

In the brief silence that followed, Severus watched Harry watching Ron examine the welts on Hermione's hand. _Time for the next lesson, I think._ He snapped his wand abruptly in Harry's direction. " _Expelliarmus_!"

Harry's wand went flying, and Severus was barely able to block the binding hexes Ron and Hermione immediately threw at him. "Hold! You've learned something, at any rate," he said grudgingly. "Now sit with Lupin and stay out of the way. This next exercise is for Potter."

Harry was already moving toward his fallen wand, but he stopped reluctantly when Severus said, "No, Potter, you won't need your wand for this. _Accio_ wand!" Severus caught Harry's wand neatly out of the air, and held it for a moment, purely to appreciate the uneasiness showing on the boy's face, before he tossed it to Remus. Next he pulled a small sandglass from his pocket and said, "You have precisely one minute to prepare to defend yourself from me, Potter, using any resource available in this room."

Hermione's indrawn breath was loud in the silence.

Harry looked slightly stunned, but his eyes were already running over the room's sparse furnishings: a few pieces of heavy furniture, pillows, a bookshelf...

Severus flipped the glass, not giving him any more time to plan. "Begin."

Harry grabbed a few loose items and retreated behind a hasty barricade of what furniture he could shift.

Severus waited silently until the last grain of sand dropped. He dodged the heavy book Harry flung at his head as he advanced – at least for the moment the brat chose survival over chivalry – and flipped his wand negligently at the barricade. " _Incendio_!"

Harry's startled yelp indicated he hadn't expected such a blatantly damaging attack, and Severus almost smiled as the boy backpedaled hastily away from the blazing furniture. From the corner of his eye, he saw Remus forestalling Ron's and Hermione's rush forward.

Harry dodged a _Petrificus_ , but Severus's next spell slammed him painfully against the wall. Severus saw Remus wince as Harry slid, half-dazed, to the floor. Before he could recover, Severus stood over him, wand pointed menacingly at his head. "Shall we take it as a given, Mr. Potter, that I could do as I liked with my next spell?"

Green eyes glared furiously up at him as Potter pushed himself up off the floor. "So what was the point of that, Snape? I'm going to die? Don't let myself be disarmed? Or were you just enjoying yourself?"

" _Enjoying myself_?" Severus snarled. "You little..." He broke off, then said tightly, "Your adolescent pride will recover, Potter. The _point_ was to get you to _think_. You ignored the three best defenses – and weapons – in the room."

"What?" Harry demanded, frustration evident in his clenched hands and his voice.

Severus turned and looked at Remus, who was watching them with his face carefully expressionless, then at Potter's friends, before turning back to watch Potter.

The boy followed the direction of Severus's glance, and was quiet for a moment before he said, simply, "No."

"You have allies – friends – who can help you, Potter. Don't rely on them too much, but you must use them. If you want to survive."

"If I want to survive–" Harry stared at him, then flared, "I want them to survive too!"

Severus frowned. "The two are not necessarily mutually exclusive, Potter."

Harry didn't seem to be listening. "What do you want me to learn, Snape? First you point out they could be tortured because of me, like I didn't already _know_ that, and now you want me to _use_ them? What do you _want_ from me? I'm not like you, I'm not going to–"

"Potter!" Severus broke into Harry's diatribe. "I won't have you–" From the corner his eye, he saw Remus making a calming palm down gesture, and took a deep breath. And another. His teeth were so tightly clenched that his head was beginning to hurt. _Fine, Lupin. Fine! Why didn't you do this yourself?_

Severus began again, forcing calm into his voice. "Potter. Are you honestly so incredibly self-centered that you think your friends – Lupin, the Weasleys, Miss Granger – do you think they all oppose the Dark Lord because of you? That were you not here, they would be his abject supporters?"

Harry blinked. "What?! No, of course not..."

"Precisely. It is their choice to fight, Potter. _Theirs_." He lowered his voice and leaned in close to the boy. " _You_ can either accept the help you are offered, from whatever quarter, or you can get yourself killed in some solitary brainless stunt that accomplishes nothing."

The boy looked almost thoughtful.

Severus swung away, looking at the mess they had made of the room and wondering why Lupin had thought _he_ , of all people, could talk sense into the boy. If Lupin thought Potter was isolating himself, let _him_ talk to the brat next time. "We're finished for tonight. Be here at the same time next week. Potter, Weasley, Miss Granger – put that out," he said, gesturing to the small fire still burning merrily in the ruins of a heavy table and threatening to spread to a sofa, "and clean up this room."

Remus slipped quietly out the door after a round of subdued good nights, while Severus stayed to watch the three students. He was amused to note that, although it was Hermione who extinguished the fire, it was Ron Weasley who knew the best spell for removing smoke stains from the ceiling. Undoubtedly Molly's influence. Or possibly the twins'...

Sooner than he had expected, they were finished; after a low-voiced conversation by the door that involved Ron shaking his head and Hermione nodding emphatically, Hermione and Ron left, but Harry hung back. "Sna– Professor?" he said.

This was unexpected – Severus had thought Potter would flee as soon as possible. Fortunately, Lupin was resourceful and could cope...

"What do you want, Potter?" Severus asked, mildly curious as to what the boy would say. Whatever it was, hopefully he could dispense with it quickly. He needed to let Albus know the Death Eaters had been summoned and then finish his rounds of the school before he could make it back to his chambers. And a potion to relieve his increasingly insistent headache.

"I need to ask you something about what I saw when you were...er, the other night."

Severus felt his eyes widen. _Bloody hell._ He sacrificed Lupin without a qualm. "Potter, I believe Lupin would be...would be the more appropriate person to address if you have questions about – about that." _Because there is no way in hell_ I _am going to explain sex to you, Potter._

"What? How would Remus–" The confusion plainly written on Harry's face was replaced by surprise, quickly followed by distaste. "Oh, not that! I don't even want to _think_ about that! I certainly don't want to talk to you about..." Harry trailed off, his face so brilliantly crimson it had to be painful.

Sheer relief warred with anger at Potter's obvious disgust. Severus's nails were biting into his palms as he grated, "Good. Then what precisely _do_ you wish to discuss, Mr. Potter?"

It took several moments for Harry to regain enough composure to ask his question. "Do you think I can kill Voldemort?"

Severus stared at him, momentarily overwhelmed by visceral memories. _Raising his wand against the Dark Lord...being jerked helplessly through the air...pain, and more pain, hissing laughter and despair...No._

"I don't know, Potter," he said flatly. He was not cruel enough to tell Potter the unvarnished truth, not when the boy was apparently reduced to seeking reassurance from his most hated teacher. _No. I don't. Although since by all rights you should be dead already, I suppose it's possible you'll survive again._ "And _don't say his name_."

Harry looked at him steadily, then visibly deflated when Severus said nothing else. "Right." He turned to go.

"Potter."

The boy turned, looking almost hopeful, and Severus damned the impulse that had made him call Potter back. Wretched curiosity... "Why do you ask?" Severus said, really meaning _Why did you ask_ me?

"Oh. Er...I saw what you showed Volde– him, you know."

No, Severus hadn't known that Potter had seen the image of himself triumphant that Severus had created to enrage the Dark Lord, although perhaps he should have realized. He had thought Potter had seen only part of the torture and Lupin's arrival. He winced slightly. "That was – I don't know if you can kill him or not, Potter. But he is, at some level, afraid that you can. I was merely...making use of that weakness."

Severus considered briefly before adding, "You are, at the least, useful for irritating the Dark Lord past all reason." He wasn't certain whether Harry was about to burst into screams, tears, or hysterical laughter, but he didn't feel up to dealing with any of it. "Was there something else, Potter? Because if not..."

"Yes," Harry said firmly. "When Vold– you were using Occlumency, weren't you? To keep him out of your mind."

"Of course I was," Severus snapped, barely managing to edit out _you idiot, what else would it have been?_. "What you saw was Occlumency in its least effective form."

" _Least_ effective? But...you kept Voldemort out of your mind, even when..." Harry shifted uneasily.

Severus didn't particularly care to remember the "even when" either, so he focused on the question instead. "Least effective because it is too obvious, Potter. If you are to be truly effective, no one should ever realize you are occluding your mind in the first place."

Harry looked unconvinced, but said, "Right then. But if...if you could keep Voldemort out, why couldn't you keep me out last year? During the lessons."

Severus's stomach burned at the memory of those futile, frustrating sessions. And at Potter's stubborn, thoughtless insistence on using the Dark Lord's name. "Because I was using Legilimency on you, of course," he said.

"Huh? What does that have to do with it?"

"No connection is purely unidirectional, Potter," Severus said impatiently. "Why do you think the Dark Lord waited until I was..." _dying_ "exhausted before he used _Legilimens_ against me? It requires a deeper connection than does simply recognizing a deliberate falsehood – detecting whether a student is lying about having been in Hogsmeade, for instance."

Harry refused to be baited. "No connection is unidirectional? Do you mean–" His eyes widened in realization, and he spoke in an excited jumble of words. "Of course. My connection with Voldemort goes both ways. He used it – I could too."

"No," Severus said flatly.

"But I could! I could–"

"Potter! _No_. Pay attention for once. You can't even occlude your thoughts from me. There is no way you could influence the Dark Lord, or even defend yourself from him, if you managed to force a deeper connection to him – not without a great deal more self-control than you have ever demonstrated yourself capable of. Do not create an opportunity for him to possess you," Severus said urgently. He noted that Potter bit back whatever angry response he had been about to make. Interesting...

"Right." Harry stood still, looking oddly intent. He took a visibly deep breath. "Snape–" He met Severus's eyes, and started over. " _Professor_ Snape, would you please try to teach me Occlumency again?"

 _Of course I will, you idiot boy, but you'll have to do better than that to convince me._ "Why, Potter? Give me one good reason why I should give up my evenings for the _privilege_ of having you rummage through my Pensieve," Severus said coldly.

Potter flushed. "I won't! I didn't mean– It's not like I enjoyed–" his shoulders slumped. "Never mind. Of course you wouldn't...forget I asked," he mumbled as he turned toward the door.

"Potter," Severus said. "One good reason."

The boy hesitated before he looked back up at Severus. "Because I need to learn," he said quietly.

 _Albus will be delighted..._ Severus stood, assessing Harry and letting him stew for a long minute before he grated, "One lesson, Potter. _One_. If you practice afterward, we'll try a second. If at any time you fail to practice between lessons, I shall have no hesitation in ending them, immediately and permanently. Understood?"

"Yes. I mean, yes, sir," Harry said stiffly. "But...I need to know something else. Last year – after every lesson, my scar hurt worse. I felt weaker, not..."

"Yes, of course. Get to the point, Potter – what is your question?" Severus said impatiently. Tea, definitely, and a headache potion. A _strong_ headache potion.

"That is my question!" Harry said angrily. "If you were really trying to teach me to strengthen my defenses against Voldemort, how come I felt weaker after every lesson?"

Severus glared at him. "You id–" He closed his eyes briefly and pinched the bridge of his nose, forcing calm on himself and trying to remember what Lupin had said about the best ways to reach the brat. "Potter. Quidditch practice. How do you feel after a hard practice?"

"Er...well, tired, of course, and maybe a little sore..." Harry looked puzzled.

Severus looked at him, waiting for him to figure it out.

"Oh. You mean..."

"Yes, I mean," Severus mocked.

Harry's temper flared. "Well, how was I supposed to know? Why didn't you just _tell_ me?"

"Why didn't you _ask_?" Severus spat.

Potter glared at him. "Because I didn't trust you!" he blurted. He looked vaguely horrified at his own daring.

" _That_ was obvious, Potter," Severus said bitterly. "Tell me, can you master your distrust of me long enough that these lessons you're requesting won't be a complete waste of my time and energy?"

"Yes," Harry said.

"Good. Six o'clock, tomorrow. In my off–" Harry tensed, and Severus heard the echo of his own voice, screaming _"I don't want to see you in this office ever again!"_ His lips tightened. "Here." He glanced around the room, giving the boy time to collect his bookbag and leave. He would send a message to Albus about the summons, then find Lupin. Lupin... "Potter," he said, before he had a chance to think better of it.

"Yes?" Harry asked warily, turning with his hand already on the door.

"About...the other matter. Lupin... You are important to Lupin," Severus said.

"Yes..." Harry replied, clearly confused.

Severus sighed in frustration. This was not a conversation he wished to have... "Lupin has few enough people who care about him as it is. He doesn't deserve to have you shun him because of your...antipathy for me."

Harry stared at him, looking for all the world as if a Bludger had just slammed into his stomach. "You... you care...." Harry blinked. "Right," he said blankly, still staring at Severus, then again more firmly, "Right," as if they had just come to some sort of agreement.

 _What?_

"Well, goodnight," Harry said, pushing open the door. He paused long enough to say quietly, "After all, Professor, I don't have that many people who care about me either," then left without looking back.

Severus stared after him, feeling oddly as if he had just missed something important. _Not that many people who care, indeed._ What _Lupin sees in that irritating brat..._

~*~

Severus was still feeling uncharacteristically ruffled by the time he had reported to Albus and caught up with Remus, who smiled and fell in step with him, apparently content to talk while they patrolled the corridors.

"Well?" Severus asked.

"I caught Ron and Hermione easily enough, but they ran back to Gryffindor tower and got Harry's cloak and, er, the map, and ambushed me when I tried to surprise Harry," Remus said with evident pride.

Severus frowned. "They won't always have such advantages."

"No, but at least they were thinking," Remus said. With a flashing grin, he added, "Unchivalrously."

Severus snorted.

They walked in silence for several minutes, during which Severus sent a pair of Hufflepuffs fleeing for the shelter of their dormitory with nothing more menacing than a narrow-eyed glare to remind them curfew was approaching, before Remus said carefully, "Harry told me you agreed to resume his lessons."

"Yes," Severus said, "but only for as long as he makes some effort to actually learn this time."

"I believe he will, Severus," Remus said. "I just wanted to thank you for agreeing to try again."

Severus grunted. His stomach roiled again at the memory of last year's endlessly frustrating failed attempts, at the thought of the brat stumbling into any more of his memories. He glanced sidelong at Remus, considering that he now had an entirely new set of memories to place in the Pensieve for safekeeping. Or not...

As they reached the stairs winding up the Astronomy Tower, Remus said, "I think tonight went well, all things considered." He gave a small, pleased smile. "Harry talked to me, afterward – he looked at me, even, instead of mumbling at my shoes."

Fortunately the stairs up the tower were steep and numerous enough that Severus felt he didn't have to come up with any reply to that. He soon realized there were even more stairs than he had remembered, and by the time he and Remus reached the last flight, he was nearly ready to admit that teaching a full day's classes, supervising a detention, giving a strenuous extracurricular lesson, and walking over half the school might have been more than Pomfrey had had in mind when she authorized his return to work and told him to "ease into it gradually"...

Severus stood at the top of the stairs, trying to regulate his breathing and remain upright against his sudden exhaustion. Remus had already crossed the platform to the parapet and was leaning out into the gentle breeze.

Severus's hands ached dully, and he grimaced. Pomfrey had told him he would now be able to predict changes in the weather – he had initially assumed she was joking, or exaggerating. Unfortunately not. He shifted uneasily, wanting to be off the exposed height of the deserted platform, but unwilling to face the trek back down yet. He walked across the platform and leaned against the parapet near Remus, feeling the day's heat still trapped in the stones seeping into his hands where they rested against the wall.

"I've always loved it up here," Remus said quietly. "It's so open and free – like you're not enclosed by the castle anymore."

"Ah," Severus murmured noncommittally, sensing that _It's bloody freezing, and you can't tell who's pointing their wand at you from anywhere below so it's not safe up here_ might not be the appropriate response to Lupin's revelation. It was definitely time for them to go back down to his quarters for that tea – Vector would cover the other half of the school on her rounds later anyway...

"It's a beautiful night," Remus said, looking up at the stars with a smile.

"Not for long," Severus muttered at another twinge of pain from his hands.

Remus turned to look at him. "All the more reason to enjoy it while it lasts, Severus," he said in a low voice.

Severus glanced over the parapet, taking advantage of their lofty vantage point to scan for any signs of disturbance on the grounds. Remus took two steps to close the distance between them, and Severus looked up, having seen nothing out of place. "Lupin, I'm ready to go in."

Remus's feral grin and hoarse "I'm not" were Severus's only warning before he was crowded against the low wall.

"Lupin–" he warned, but a strong hand wrapping around the back of his head kept him from retreating, and the rest of his sentence was muffled past understanding when Remus claimed his mouth in a demanding kiss. Remus's lips moving over his were warm, and Severus couldn't help yielding to the kiss and leaning into the solid heat of the other man's body as Remus's tongue explored his mouth.

Remus's hand slid down through his hair to rest burningly hot on Severus's chilled neck, shocking him out of his daze. He jerked his head, and Remus let him break the kiss.

"Not here, Lupin!" Severus said, his insistence undermined by his hiss of pleasure as Remus's mouth found _that_ spot under his ear. _Merlin..._

"What, Severus," Remus murmured, "surely you aren't going to tell me you never wanted to bring someone up the Astronomy Tower for a good snog?"

" _No_ , I–" Severus's denial turned into a moan as Remus's warm fingers slipped under the collar of his shirt to brush his bare back, sending tingles of need along his spine straight to his rapidly hardening cock, which had somehow ended up pressed against Remus's hip.

"Mm. I did," Remus said, pushing Severus harder against the crenellated wall and shifting his hips to rub across Severus's groin.

The pressure on his cock almost made Severus forget why this was a stunningly bad idea, but not quite. He got his hands, which had treacherously crept toward Remus's shoulders at some point in the proceedings, up between their bodies and shoved hard against Remus's chest.

"I said not here, Lupin!" Severus said, more sharply than he had intended. Remus let go of him and stepped back, eyes widening as Severus continued. "I never realized you were such an exhibitionist! But _I_ don't care to be a spectacle again." Severus ignored Remus's indrawn breath, and barely managed to convert _I have a professional reputation to uphold_ into "The last thing I need is to have Minerva – or someone worse – walk in on us this time!"

Severus saw tiny flash of anger, followed by hurt, cross Remus's face before he smoothed his expression and said, "I'm not an exhibitionist, Severus. But I do apologize for pushing you to do something you didn't care to. I only–" His hand half lifted toward Severus, then dropped back to his side.

They avoided each others' eyes for a few awkward seconds before Remus continued, with obviously forced briskness, "It's getting late – I had best go home. You can owl me if you'd like to discuss ideas for their next defense lesson, or...I'll see you at the next meeting." He started down the stairs.

Severus took a quick step forward, then hesitated. _Fuck._ He hadn't meant Lupin to take it like that – he didn't want him to leave. But it was harder than it should have been to call him back; after all, what he wanted had so seldom mattered. He thought, though, it could be different this time.

"Lupin–"

"Yes?" Remus paused on the stairs, not quite turning back to look at him.

Severus took another step forward. "I usually retire to my chambers for tea after I finish my rounds. Would you care to–" _Not good enough._ "I would like for you to–"

No, Severus realized, that would still not be strong enough to counter the sting of the rejection he had unwittingly dealt Lupin. He tried once more.

"Lupin...Remus. I don't want a snog with you," he saw Remus's minute flinch, and continued firmly, "not on this freezing tower. What I want is for you to come with me. Have tea. I want you to sit in front of my fire and read. I want to watch you."

Remus had turned to face him by now, and, emboldened, Severus took another step toward him and kept speaking, pitching his voice low to carry only to Remus's ears. "And then I want to take you to my bed. I want to feel your hands on me, and I want my hands on you. My mouth on you. I want to hear you gasp and moan and say my name, in my rooms, safe from interruption by mediwizards or students or shocked colleagues. And then I want to do it all again." _Every night. And I want you to want that, too._

Severus wasn't quite breathing as he waited for Remus's slow, warm smile and his answer.

"I want that too, Severus."

They walked back into the sheltering warmth of the building side by side.


End file.
